The "Old You"

 

"Yet, the life of the caterpillar must end for the glory of the butterfly to shine. The 'old you' must die before the best you can be born." excerpt from The 5am Club by Robin Sharma

In this last year of returning to mental health, I have at times been weighed down by how much I hear clients share feelings of being "stuck", many express the sentiment that working in a job they dislike or hate feels "bleak" and many in one way or another express feeling directionless and purposeless. As someone who loves adventure, travel, change, working on my life goals and dreams and fulfilling my purpose, my heart really does ache for many of my clients. It especially aches for the young ones who have found themselves in the trap of the American Dream. These are the twenty to thirty somethings who went to college and have become burdened by mortgages, unhealthy relationships and student loans (for a degree they were told by parents or teachers would bring them a "good job"). 

I wish I could tell my clients "Leave the job (or relationship) that is crushing and killing your soul, things will be hard, perhaps really hard, as you transition out of the "old you" the "old life" that was highly influenced and shaped by others and not you, but you will survive and will be happier in the end"! But in therapy as in most situations, it is not always appropriate to share what we are really thinking. The truth is many of my clients know that is exactly what they need to do but societal norms and expectations keep them chained to the illusion of the American Dream which for many has now become the American Nightmare. Study hard (if possible beginning in middle school), go to college, get a good job, then you can get married (find your "soulmate"), buy the white picket fence house and have kids, work for 30-40 years in a job that will hopefully provide retirement income/benefits and then retire to do the things you love (this path requires that you never really look at your true passions or interests until you've retired).

Helping clients through the process of liberating themselves from the old them, the caterpillar life that many of us have unknowingly been directed (pressured) towards, is to say the least, very complex and something that only a few clients will ever really be able to break from. Part of the complexity has nothing to do with my or my fellow therapists competence. It has to do with how our childhood experiences, wounds, scars, hurts, traumas and familial dysfunction affect us as often, no amount of therapy can access the emotional imprinting that happens in childhood and adolescence. 

However, I for one will never stop gently guiding and encouraging clients to leave the caterpillar life i.e. "old you" for the glory of the butterfly's freedom and beauty i.e. the "best you". Because I have been there not once or twice in my own life but a handful of times. In fact, one more shedding of the "old me", my "old life" is looming once again in the near future. As I come to this new possible change, I am reminded how scary the first initial shedding of the "old you" is for most people. Despite being seasoned at shedding the caterpillar life (the "old me") there is still some trepidation, worry and concern as I contemplate the changes that need to be made. The usual thoughts of "What if things don't work out?", "What will people think", "Is this the best decision?",  "What if it's a mistake?" still come up for me but I have learned to quickly validate my fears and redirect my negative and limiting thoughts. Remembering and realizing that I did not perish, that I survived and eventually thrived when I first shed the "old me" back in 2013 also helps me to soothe myself. 

The beauty of the butterfly, the "new you" that will be born out of patience and struggle (death of the "old you") will be worth every ounce of pain, suffering, fear and worry. I promise.

As always to learn more about my work, please visit:

Vida Consulting Services