The Body Remembers

 

"The body remembers what your mind forgets" Martha Manning

Seems that lately I have been sharing this quote with many clients. Whenever I hear a client say something like "I don't even know why I was so upset", "I don't know why I feel so depressed" or "I don't know why I am so anxious nothing has happened or changed" I find myself sharing this quote as I try to shed some light on "why" they (we) seem to experience anxiety, stress, anger and/or depressed mood seemingly "out of the blue" (or with severity without any identifiable reason or stressor). I go on to explain how often times uncomfortable, distressing and/or traumatic experiences earlier in our lives and specifically in childhood, get "absorbed by our bodies, into the cells of our bodies" these experiences get emotionally imprinted and later become an automatic physiological response that gets triggered by what often appears as a "random" incident. Our bodies remember and respond in what is often a habitual physical reaction or some type of physical ailment. This is happening often without us even having any conscious awareness of why we are feeling this way. Many people understand this can be true for someone that has experienced childhood trauma (as has been demonstrated by the ACEs-Adverse Childhood Experiences studies) however, fewer people understand (I sure didn't until just several years ago) that even those of us who have not experienced traumatic childhood events can still hold "memories" within our bodies. It is these emotional imprints that we (our bodies) are reliving when we experience an exaggerated or habitual feeling such as anger, depression and anxiety without having a seemingly just cause for feeling this way.

During this past year and a half, I have been reading and listening to so many fascinating researchers, clinicians and authors who speak to this topic of the "body remembering what the mind forgets" such as Bessel van der Kolk, Gabor Mate and Peter Levine to name a few. I also just finished reading clinical psychologist, Nicole LePera's book How To Do The Work and in it, she does a fantastic job of explaining how our autonomic and parasympathetic nervous system can get dysregulated in our childhoods and carry on into our adult lives often showing up as physical ailments, anxiety, depression, or anger/resentment. Delving into the work done by these clinicians and many others has validated what I have been saying for several years now and which was one of the main reasons I had "hung up" my clinical shoes a few years ago. In years past and to this day, I often felt and expressed that "talk therapy" can only go so far, it can only do so much for most people. I do recognize that often, therapy is a great start and can be very helpful for many however, most clients do not heal or make long-lasting permanent changes in their lives, behavior and/or mental health issues. Since around 2015 or so, I have realized that traditional therapy has a lot of limitations. This is confirmed by our increased rates of mental health issues such as anxiety, depression and suicide both here in the U.S. and globally (pre COVID-19 pandemic). I know this may potentially offend some therapists but after witnessing many clients unable to make long-term lasting change and/or continue to experience anxiety, depression or anger for years even after being in therapy, I have concluded that our approach to mental health and well-being is failing and sadly failing pretty badly. I know it's all we got so far and I might even say it's the best we got but I believe it's time we take an honest look at our model our outcomes and adjust accordingly. Many clients and therapists still believe that it is completely up to the client to change their lives, to improve, to get better. I believe this is such a narrow view and understanding of the complexities of healing and well-being and completely disregards that the "body remembers what the mind forgets". This also places an undue burden on people, especially young people. A 17 year old recently told me "I know that ultimately it's up to me to get better" she has had an entire year of therapy, has tried different medications (unsuccessful to date) and has had a psychiatric hospitalization for suicidality. She is also a strong academic student, involved in all the "appropriate" activities of a normal teen (friends/sports) and comes from a loving, caring and secure family (both psychologically and financially). I honestly just cried after we talked. I cried for the burden and sense of failure she must feel every day for not getting better and being unable to heal and overcome her anxiety and depression. When she told me this, I told her "I don't want you to believe that because if you do, then you are going to think you are a failure when you don't or cant' get better. Of course there is a part you play in your healing journey and I think you are doing a fantastic job doing your part but there is also a part that we are just now starting to figure out and that's something is complex, it has to do with the physiology of your body and how it affects your mind." She thanked me for saying those words and said it made her feel better. 

This young lady is one of millions challenged by the complexities of mental health in a world that has yet to understand how to help her truly heal. She along with my clients (both past and present) inspires me, she is my motivation. I think of her, I think of my son Andrew who took his life in 2018 and I think of all my clients and it strengthens my resolve, my commitment to "die trying" to help facilitate, promote and make accessible to all and especially our young people, the modalities and techniques that exist, that are out there, that I believe will place us all on the path to true healing and recovery. 

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