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Our Dead

 
"Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them" George Eliot
I've wondered why, as an adult, I have had a comfort level around death that most people don't. I used to think it was because I hadn't really experienced a significant loss. But I have experienced two now and still feel that my acceptance of death as part of Life, is a bit out of the cultural norm. Perhaps my comfort with death began when I accompanied my Mom several times as a young adult to Mexico to attend her siblings funerals. I found the velorio (wake) and novenario (9 days of prayer for the deceased) both fascinating and beautiful. To see loved ones gather around the body, supporting the surviving family members, at the deceased's home to cry, to reminisce, to laugh, to eat, drink and cry all over again and often wail in the presence of others was so meaningful. 
When my Mom died in 2011, unlike some of my siblings, for me, her death was as natural as our births and the acceptance of her death came very easily for me. Please don't read that as I didn't miss her and would have preferred she continue living if she had been healthy enough to do so (she had terminal cancer). On the other hand, when my son took his life in 2018 his death was to me, the most unnatural thing in the world. Like everyone else I was shocked at first with my son's decision but eventually and rather quickly I moved into acceptance. Again, please don't read that as not having suffered and or had my moments, days, weeks and months of despair, that was all there too as it is a normal part of grieving. With time however, I was eventually able to accept both losses as part of Life. Perhaps witnessing my uncle and aunt's funerals helped my comfort level with death but I have to admit and always love to share that being fortunate in finding two very gifted Psychic Mediums who provided a reading for me after my Mom died and again after my son died, has probably made all the difference in the world for me in how I now see and view both Life and Death. I understand why people are skeptic of the unknown but I often think, if people could realize how healing and comforting it is to receive a message from your deceased loved one and to know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it is them sending the message (information only they would know) then, I think we would be using Psychics and Mediums as frequently as we do bereavement and grief counselors! I know what you might be thinking this is outrageous and yes, I know it might sound crazy to some but I have experienced first hand the truth of this for me and many others (I am forever grateful to the ones who guided me there). I think back to 2012 and realize that one of my early bereavement clients (she had lost her adult daughter to cancer) had mentioned going to a Medium and how odd that sounded to me at the time, yet she sat in front of me every week in a very different place than most of my bereaved clients. Like my other clients, she had pain and loss but there was an acceptance around her daughter's death that was peaceful to be in the presence of. Fast forward to 2015 when I had my first reading by a truly gifted Medium and I was able to understand how and why my client had peace and acceptance around her daughter's death. Please know, I am in no way passing judgment on those who disagree nor am I advocating that everyone should have a reading, my rule of thumb for Life is "Do what feels right for you". Also like therapists and any other profession, finding gifted, honest and genuinely caring Psychics and Mediums can be tricky to navigate if you are new to the idea and/or field. This book was written several years ago and could be a starting point for anyone that is interested: 
https://images.app.goo.gl/HPpXmZuCsPSmMdHt9

This blog was inspired by the dead as I just finished setting up my yearly Dia de Los Muertos (Day of the Dead) altar. Sadly this year I have added my niece in-law's Mom who died last year and my sister's dog, the only "daughter" she ever had. I have found over the past 5-6 years, that setting up my altar is sad, cathartic, healing and fun. Yes, all those feelings come up for me and it has become a bittersweet joyful ritual. One that I highly recommend to anyone who has lost a loved one. You don't have to be Latino/Hispanic to partake in this tradition, I know plenty of non-Latino/Hispanic friends and acquaintances who honor this tradition as well. Interestingly, it didn't become a tradition for me, until 2 years after my Mom's death as it was not something my Mom herself had practiced. It is typically only practiced in certain regions in Mexico. I learned about Dia de Los Muertos after doing a presentation on it for a Hospice agency I was working with at the time. Coincidentally, I have also always loved Halloween, learning that Day of the Dead (All Soul's Day in the Catholic calendar) was connected (sort of) with Halloween made it ever more special to me. They aren't really connected but the Catholic church tried to "cover up" (at least my interpretation) the Gaelic festival of Samhain. October 31 is said to be the when the veil between the living and the dead is thinnest allowing souls to cross over to the living. The movie Coco is a great animated movie around this theme, if you haven't watched it, I highly recommend it. Make sure you bring some tissue if you're a crybaby like me 😥
We all have an exit date.....that is a fact of Life and a reminder that I feel we need to reflect on more often, especially as this world-wide Pandemic continues to remind us of the risk of death for any one of us. Our dead really can serve as a reminder to ourselves and our loved ones that someday we too shall be gone that is just a natural part of Life but hopefully we shall never be forgotten and will always be remembered 💔





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