I have always known but mostly in a back-burner type of way that my life work, my true contribution to the world would someday revolve around teaching youth about the importance of sex education and family planning and as a result of having a healthy acceptance and understanding of these two very important practices, they would someday practice conscious parenting and as a result of that, the world would become a different place, a better place. As every child born into this world would be truly wanted, truly loved, cared for by its' parent or parents during the most important years of its' life, provided with all of the resources needed to nurture each child's true potential and natural tendency towards wholeness, love, brilliance, kindness and compassion.
Of course at age 17 when I made this commitment I didn't know the term Conscious Parenting but I do remember saying to myself, "I will never bring a child into this world until I can give it all it truly needs". I just had this knowing that all of the loneliness, stress and sadness that I had suffered as a child and had witnessed my siblings suffer, should not be repeated. I made true to that promise and by choice I only gave birth to one child in 2003, my beautiful love child, Erick. He was planned for 13 years and wanted for over 10 years before my husband and I made the conscious decision that we felt ready emotionally, psychologically, in our career and work goals, in our financial resources and in our marriage and relationship with one another, to bring a child into this world. Life with Erick for the first 3 years of his life were blissful. To give a child everything they truly need and to see their little bodies, personalities and souls blossom into healthy, happy, loving and intelligent children is one of the most amazing gifts of life.
And then we made another conscious decision and that decision was to adopt, to provide a child or children, that needed a home with that home. I often wonder now if in fact we were making a "conscious" decision back then because we ended up adopting not 1 or 2 but 3 children, all at once! Now I often think, "What were we thinking!"
Seriously though, within the first year of our children being a part of our family, there was no doubt in my mind that the most important years of child's life were indeed paramount. I knew this intellectually, from my work with countless children, families and hurt adults and I even knew it on a gut level but now I was being reminded of it on a day to day basis. Not only was I being reminded, my life in every way, shape and form, was being impacted by the lack of nurturing, love, patience, care and attention my adopted children had been denied during their most important years.
The biggest and most painful reminder on the importance of a child's early years, came on May 15th, 2018 when the youngest of our adopted children, Andrew, took his own life. He ended his life to end his deep inner sense of pain, of rejection and unworthiness. Andrew was not mentally ill as much of the suicide literature would have you believe. Of our adopted children, Andrew was the healthiest emotionally and psychologically. In fact, he was emotionally and psychologically healthier than many birth children we have met.
In the aftermath of Andrew's suicide I was led to read The Prescence Process by Michael Brown the 10 week practice I completed a few weeks ago."The Presence Process reveals experientially that the first emotionally-driven-seven-year cycle of childhood is the cause of our current uncomfortable experiences". The Greeks and Aristotle thousands of years ago understood the importance of birth to 7 as the foundation of a person's emotional, psychological and overall well-being. Michael Brown's book was a much needed reminder for me that Andrew is like the majority of us. He was hurt, wounded, unloved, neglected, traumatized and scarred at some point between birth to age 7 (for him and many others it was even in utero). Most of us cannot give what we have not been given so it does not help to blame our parents as they often got the same or even worse from their own parents. But unlike most of us, Andrew chose the only option his wounded 17 year old mind could think of at the time and that was to end his pain and despair through suicide.
My shame and guilt revolves around not being able to help Andrew overcome his wounds, his trauma but I cannot remain there. After 20 years in the field of Human Services and Personal Development I know that counseling/therapy, personal development seminars and books are not enough for most people, myself included. My son's life and death has reignited the commitment I made 30 years ago, at age 17. However, now it is also coupled with the commitment to find the modalities, therapies, techniques and knowledge that will help us heal, especially our young people and in healing, live life consciously, purposefully and joyfully.
Join me in helping our children, our future, heal and live Consciously:
VidaCenter.org
Join me in Enjoying the Journey of life:
www.vida805.com
I'm deeply touched while reading this article. You speak/write very wisely and sadly all of what you wrote is completely accurate. If only more people could feel and think this way this world would be a better place indeed. Hope many will read this article and share it with many others.
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